What I want:

Here's what I want:

I want to dance in the pouring rain, with the wind blowing through my hair and our laughter filling the hair like a melody.
I want to walk hand in hand with you on the beach as we kiss in the rain.
I want to feel something more, something more than anyone's ever made me feel before
I want to to stop thinking about me like I'm something fragile, I'm fully grown and coming into my own, I won't break as easily as you assume I will.

Random Break

Please Deal with my random break in the story for musings coming straight to you from my mind at 3 am. 1.4.3


And where were you in those moments?
Where I was left sitting atop a cliff overlooking the daring waters below. With every crash, with every wave I felt myself slip away. Skies teeming with utter chaos, spewing flashes of light, claps of air, a feeling of utter destruction. Where were you in those moments when I needed you? When the edge of that cliff wet grass green turned cliff grey? When those rocks kept the promises you never could? I could feel the skies anger as if it were my own, I could feel the frustration in her soul and the pain in her heart. The skies knew me better than you knew me, took me in when no one else wanted to. Here, lying in the dark grass, feeling every blade against my pale skin, soaking in the strength of the storm.

Chapter 6: Damien

Chapter 6: Damien

As soon as I awoke, I dressed and went to see Trinity. I utterly hated the fact that she was able to stand the sunlight, and I hated it even more that Jonathan had the same ability. I hated Jonathan overall. But at that moment, I needed to see Trinity. I walked from my room through the tunnels to her office. The door was shut, and I could tell there was some sort of meeting going on, so I sat against the concrete wall.

Ten minutes later, the scientists went walking out, and figuring that the meeting was over, I started into the doorway. But as soon as I got close to the door I saw the back of Jonathan’s head.

“I love the way you look in those jeans Trinity.” Jonathan dared to utter.

“Damien is waking Jonathan, get out of my office.” Was all Trinity responded.

Damien is waking, get out of my office? Seriously? That’s all she had to say to him? Jonathan obviously wanted more of Trinity than just business. And why didn’t Trinity feel the need to berate him? Or beat the shit out of him, which is probably what I needed to do, but he was over a 1000 years old, and he was a fuckin’ Viking. Might as well bust up their little party.

I stepped into Trinity’s office and took in the sight of her. Her favorite pair of black converse high tops, her hip hugging blue jeans, one of my white tees, her dark red hair pulled into a high pony-tail, no jewelry except for the ruby around her neck, she was drop dead gorgeous no matter what she was wearing. Obviously tonight there were no trials because she was dressed to hunt not to judge.

“Evening Babe.” I said as I walked past Jonathan to plant a kiss on her cheek. She turned into me and deepened the kiss until Jonathan coughed. “Excuse me, but this is a private conversation.”

Jonathan glared at me, and I laughed.

“I told you to get out of my office Jonathan. You have reports to send do you not?”

Jonathan left without a word. Trinity bent over, reached under her desk and took out a pair of laser lemon sneakers. She smiled coyly at me, raised her eyebrows and smirked. I smiled back, knowing we were going hunting. I ran back to my room to grab a pair of black sneakers and as I came back to Trinity’s office, I saw Mike carrying a pair of gray sneakers with him. As on Mike’s if you looked closely at my shoes, you would see blood splatters from where we accidently spilt our dinner.

Trinity, Mike and I changed our shoes in silence. I began to wonder who would be out at this hour in the morning, before I remembered that to humans it was “party” time. As we walked out of the castle, I followed Trinity’s lead. I knew she was onto something but I just couldn’t tell what it was. We wound up in the middle of a field, and instantly I could smell what trial Trinity was on. Two tourists had drunkenly decided to take the most dangerous trail through the forest.

As they stumbled into the clearing, I saw that they toted a third drunkard behind them. Mike prowled behind them, quickly snapping the third’s neck. I took on the lesser, more drunk of the two left standing before us.

“Drew? Is that you breathing over there? I think you should stop with that whole creepy breathing shit yer doin.” Trinity’s prey spoke to mine.

Before he knew what was going on, Trinity was at the man’s neck, pushing his head at a 45-degree angle. For just a second Trinity’s fangs hovered over his neck waiting for the next pump of blood to be rushed through his body. When I finished with “Drew.” I looked over at Mike to see that he was just as bloody as I felt. We, as most vampires, were messy eaters, especially when it came to a drain job. Mike licked his chops as he let his prey fall to the ground. I let Drew do the same. They looked so different in death, crumbled into small helpless beings.

Mike and I both looked at Trinity who had not spilt a drop anywhere, and if we hadn’t known better, we would not have known that she had eaten. Her lips were not stained, nor did she have a single drop anywhere on her or on the man’s neck.

“How the hell do you do that Trinity?” Mike asked in disbelief.

“You still haven’t gotten used to it Mike?” Trinity played.

He shook his head knowing Trinity wasn’t giving away any of her secrets. She smiled at us both. I walked up next to her, hearing the pack of that was coming behind us to finish our job. She wrapped her arms around my waist and pulled me closer to her. Standing in an embrace things seemed normal, just like things had before Jonathan showed up. Here we were standing in the middle of a beautiful clearing, the skies opening up enough that we could stand beneath the stars and see each other with the light they gave off. I twirled Trinity around a little, kissed her lightly and laughed as she and Mike giggled at my attempt to dance.

Suddenly though, the fun stopped as Mike’s cell phone rang. When he got off the phone he looked at Trinity with a serious expression. “There are several heads of states in the castle. Apparently Jonathan invited them to a ball this coming weekend.”

“Fuck you Jonathan.” Was all Trinity could muster before she was running back.

Mike and I caught up with Trinity as she walked into the foyer screaming, “JONATHAN” making the entire castle vibrate with her voice.

Jonathan slinked down to the foyer looking calm and cool. He leaned against a wall, smoothed his hair over and immediately Trinity was all animal snapping her fangs at him before speaking.

“How dare you slimy sneaky bastard. You cannot come into this castle and invite over a hundred heads of states to a ball without clearing it with me! You are a sheriff and it is time you learn your place on this food chain Jonathan. Guards! Iron him and put him in the holding room.” The castle guards came, handcuffed Jonathan and led him downstairs to one of the cells.

I watched a red fog form around Trinity, and I knew she had to be pissed. Immediately Mike had his cell phone glued to his ear making phone calls and inviting all sorts of important Vampire people to this apparent ball we were now having. Trinity look frazzled as she sunk to the floor in a moment of surrender. I knelt down next to her, pulled out my cell phone and called Slyvia.

“Hey, Slyvia, Damien. Look I think you need to come up to the first floor.” I hung up the phone as Trinity began to come out of her state with a mouth to match her despair.

“Is he fucking crazy?? That fucking bastard I should fucking let him rot in that goddamn cage he’s in. Who the frig does he think he is? He cannot come in here and fucking screw everything up. He’s still the same goddamn pompous asshole he was last time he was here. Goddamn it Jonathan!”

I helped Trinity stand up, find her ground and just when she seemed to regain composure, Slyvia appeared. Trinity instructed her on what preparations needed to be done. She then turned to me, looked at me with her amethyst eyes and looked totally defeated. All of the stress of Jonathan was coming to head. She began the climb to her bedroom, and I followed closely behind her.

When we arrived in her bedroom, and she quietly walked into her closet, shutting the door behind her. When she emerged, she had on a plain black tank top and black and silver pajama bottoms. She grabbed one of my hold sweatshirts from off a chair, threw it on and curled up on the bed. I kicked my shoes off, took off my stained shirt, leaving just my jeans and a white undershirt on and laid back on her bed. Trinity crawled towards my extended arms and rested her head in the center of my chest, and I wrapped my arms around her. Every once in a while her body shuddered with unreleased sobs, but I knew better than to speak to her like this. Jonathan’s presence was messing with Trinity and he had only been here a day. I didn’t want to think about what was going to happen at this ball.

Jonathan was a sneaky bastard and good at getting what he wanted. And he wanted Trinity.

Chapter 5: Trinity

Chapter 5: Trinity

Goddamnit. I’d done it again. Jonathan would now think that I wanted something more than him to come to the meeting. Although I could never be totally sure what went through Jonathan’s mind, the look on his face was evident enough. The worst part of all of this though was that when I looked at Jonathan, I realized how much I wanted him.

After 900 years Jonathan still made ME feel the butterflies in my stomach, the way he looked at me, his laugh, the way his hair fell into place, everything that Jonathan did made me want him all the more. At one point I would have blamed bloodlust for this reaction, but all of his blood in my system has been replaced. Randomly I would have flashes of what we used to have together and I would have to brace myself against a wall to control myself.

When Jonathan showed up in my office, he sat directly across from me, the scientists had not yet arrived, but I busied myself with reviewing the information that they had forwarded to me. I could feel Jonathan’s gaze on my face, but I ignored it. When the scientists walked in I rose and shook their hands. Jonathan did the same, and once again sat down across from me.

We discussed the basics of what the scientists were researching- synthetic blood, which in most part I wasn’t quite sure what went into it, but as long as we could present an alternative, maybe we could integrate with the humans. It was an option that I had been throwing around for a while, way before I ever asked the scientists to research it.

Almost as quickly as they had arrived, the group of scientists left, leaving me with a lot to think about. They cleared the room, but Jonathan stayed seated across from my place. I walked to behind my desk and his eyes followed me.

“I love the way you look in those jeans Trinity.” He spoke out of the blue.

“Damien is waking Jonathan, get out of my office.” I chose not to respond to his comment because I knew in the deepest part of me it would lead me down a path I was not ready for.

Chapter 4: Jonathan

Chapter 4: Jonathan

I spent most of the day prowling around Trinity’s castle, remarking quietly to myself that so much had changed since I lived here last. Trinity had changed so much since I had last seen here. Where was the girl who needed someone with her? Where was the girl who sought everyone’s approval? I think that girl left me long before I left Trinity, and I just never realized it.

I had always been in love with Trinity. But the day she told me to grow up was the day that I knew I would love her forever. She changed in that moment and has continued to change since I had been gone. She was sexier now than she had ever been, but hand in hand she was much more goal oriented. Now Trinity thought about practicality and honesty and who would be there in the end. I need Trinity, I always have, but to win her back. . . I’m not sure how to do that anymore.

Towards the evening I walked out to the gardens. When we first lived here, Trinity spent all of her free time walking the forest to come home and plan this garden, and her favorite part was the rose garden in the center. Which is exactly where I found myself entering. Trinity knew I was there before I knew she was there. She came from around the corner.

“Jonathan.” Her voice was like velvet.

“Trinity.” As said her name, her eyes changed from the light amythest they normally were to a dark purple, “I thought you were sleeping.”

“It’s almost sundown, and I came back out.” Trinity betrayed no emotions.

I could think of nothing to say to her, but I needed to say something after last night, “Will you be meeting with the scientists this evening? Gerald had expressed wanting information on that.”

“I will be.” She glanced down at her watch, “We have a meeting in an hour. Would you care to join in the meeting Jonathan?”

As I nodded to her, she turned and began to walk towards the castle. She glanced over her shoulder at me and said, “Jonathan, one hour, my office.” In the voice she used to have.

Chapter 3- Trinity

Damien would go to ground now, and I would be left with my thoughts, a chance to finally look back on everything that had gone on, and a chance to wallow in my own misfortune. I walked outside to walk around the gardens after I left Damien. Among the deep purple and black roses that made up the center of the garden, there was a hidden bench. If it were a different time, one might picture this as a lover’s bench, but for me it was simply a place to get away from the stress of who and what I was and deal with emotions that most Vampires couldn’t begin to feel.

I think I might be the only Vampire with a conscience. I still cannot tell if it’s a good thing or a bad thing and I am over 1,000 years old. Since my creation, I have seen more destruction and pain than I thought was possible, some of it at the hands of my people, and some of it at the hands of the humans. Over the years we were together, I had always been jealous of Jonathan’s Viking ability to accept the destruction and at times even joining in the desecration.

Even now, nearly 900 years after he left, everything came back to Jonathan. But for me, how could it not? He was six feet five inches of heaven. He was created in the time of Vikings, and used to wear his long blonde hair pulled back at the nape of his neck, but in recent centuries cut it short to where he could toss his head to the side and his hair would look as if he spent decades on it. I also found his blue eyes the most striking part of him, the way they looked like the ocean would look if you cut a piece of ice so thin it was transparent. There was a frostiness to him that everyone else felt. He could be cold and heartless one moment but passionate and warm the next. In a world where he was a warlord, that worked, but in a position of my consort, that would never be acceptable.

I tried with all my inner strength to not think about Jonathan, but his recent arrival in my castle prompted me to remember what things used to be like. Jonathan’s words rang true in my head, we had been created for each other, but I couldn’t justify staying with him for that reason alone, or even for the sole reason that I loved him.

About 1,500 years ago, a group of Vampire men came together and realized that their race needed to be organized and led by one head. Vampires were the elite race, and would forever be the elite race but they could fall at any given moment if they were not carefully organized and disciplined. After long discussions with the elders of the time, and most every Vampire, my “fathers” decided to create me. I became the product of advanced scientific (humans still don’t understand this form of science) research and experimentation. In 500 years, the Elders had created the most elite, powerful, intense Vampire to ever walk the night. Over the years, I have gained more power, more strength and more insight.

Jonathan’s story is different than mine. A rogue Vampire Elder turned Jonathan when he heard of what my “fathers” were creating, as a way to preserve the fierce spirit that was a Viking, and as a counterpart to the woman ruler. When he brought Jonathan to my “fathers,” they realized that this Elder was correct in thinking that I needed someone to be my support, someone to assist me in the immense job I had before me, eternally.

For the next 100 years, Jonathan and I could not be happier, and we fell deeply in love. He was my rock, my protection and my life. With him by my side, we were able to bring the entire race together and under one rule. We established the sheriffs, heads of states, councils and the High Council. Jonathan was my warrior, he was the first in a fight and the last one to end one. I loved Jonathan for the complex man he was, for his ability to leave more human emotions aside and for the way that he continued to challenge me both emotionally, intellectually. We were passionate together, and passionate about everything. He was the only other Vampire I knew that could also walk in the day, and together we traveled, we stayed home, we made love, we fought, we trained, we planned, we did it all. Where the lines were drawn though, where someone explained to him what I was, I had no clue, and that was led to our ruin.

As in love as we were, Jonathan needed to be able to roam, he needed to be able to hunt, and he needed to be accountable to only himself. I obviously held him back, and it was 900 years ago that we had the moments that ended everything, and I still remembered every word.

“Trinity. I’m leaving.” Jonathan walked into my office one evening, three words that shattered my world.

“Excuse me?”

“I cannot do this anymore Trinity. I need to be on my own, I cannot continue to live my life under your hand, as your second hand man. I need to be able to roam on my own. Your castle is confining.”

“Jonathan.”

“I love you Trinity. I truly do love you, and I will love you until I meet my final death, but this is asking too much of me.”

“You were going to be named my consort Jonathan…”

“You will find someone else Trinity, I know you will. But I need to go.”

“Why now Jonathan? Why not earlier? What is her name?”

“Trinity. You are my life, and you will always be my life, but I need to…” Jonathan searched for the words, he face clear and unmoved.

“You need to go grow up Jonathan. This is my life. I will not find another Vampire who will fill your void.” I tired to be strong and to hurt him as much as he was hurting me.

“You’re right Trinity, I do need to grow up, and I do not wish to do that while under your thumb. Good Bye.” Jonathan turned on his heels and walked out of my office, and out of my life.

Mike, my confidant walked in after him, “What the hell was that?”

“I’m not really sure Michael. Jonathan left, as is his right, but it is his choice. Nothing changes here Michael.” As I spoke I noticed that he thought that I needed something else from him but I sent him away with a curt nod.

Back in reality, I winced as the moment came back to me. I was ruined for fifty years after that. It took nearly 150 years once Jonathan walked out to find Damien. Things with Damien weren’t always good either. Damien seemed to keep the human emotion of envy and at times it came out in full force. He was a wonderful protector, and had earned the title of Protection, but he was no consort. I loved Damien, I truly did, but our relationship lacked something Jonathan and I always knew.

However, Damien was the more practical of the two, Damien was reliable and trustworthy; he had never once left my side. Unlike Jonathan, Damien sought only to keep the race peaceful and me safe. He was there no matter what was going on, Damien was true and unfaltering. But then there was Jonathan, a Viking, a warlord; he was sexy and mysterious, complicated and simplistic. Jonathan was the only partner who ever matched me intellectually and he was equally as passionate about life as I was. Somewhere underneath his cold exterior was the man that I loved, the one who would lay his life on the line for me.

I rose from the bench, shaking my head as if to rid my mind of all these lover’s worries. I checked my watch to see that there were only a few hours left until sundown. Knowing that the night would be a long one of meetings and discussions, I wandered back to my bedroom and curled up in my four-poster bed draped in sheer black fabric. I closed my eyes as I lay against the dark purple pillow case and fell into a dead sleep.

Chapter two: Damien

Chapter Two: Damien

I watched as Trinity walked away from me and into the shelter of her bedroom, needing to think about things, I walked out onto the balcony. I looked over the forest that surrounded the castle seeing everything clearly despite the utter darkness that surrounded everything that was the campus. The night sky seemed to be a reflection of everything that was going on inside the castle, storm clouds swirling and every ounce of light the stars would have provided blacked out by the ominous feeling that something was going on.

As I sat wallowing in my own distress, I noticed a pair of lime green Nikes taking off across the ground. Trinity had donned her black track suit and her lime green running shoes and went off on her own. Normally, Mike or I would be running alongside of her, but given the circumstances of the evening, I knew Trinity would be running alone. I turned my back to the darkness of the outside and wandered into the main house.

As I rounded a corner in the bowels of the castle, I ran into Mike, who was thankfully alone. “Hey Mike.”

“Ah, Damien. Headed to your office I presume?” Mike seemed a bit stand offish, but it was probably due to the fact that he and Trinity were so closely linked that her emotions were his at times.

“Yeah, can you come with me? There are a couple things I need to talk to you about.” Mike seemed hesitant at first, but then followed me to my office.

He sat down in a dark red leather chair across from my oak desk. He looked on my dark walls covered with weapons of old and a small photo collage of Trinity and myself. He raised his eyebrows at the collage, and I could tell he was wondering what exactly it was doing in my office.

“What is it that you wanted to speak to me about Damien?” Mike asked calmly.

“I wanted to talk to you about what the scientists have been working on as of late.”

“Well, quite honestly Damien, your name is not on the cleared list. I understand that you want to know what is going on, but as close as you are to Trinity, you are still her Protection and because of that, not everything is open to you.”

“I’m her consort as well Michael, that makes me eligible to know what’s going on with something as important as this. It affects us all.”

“Damien! You are her boyfriend; you are not Trinity’s consort! Trinity has refused for centuries to name a consort. You must remember that. Please, she will tell you when you need to know. You need to trust Trinity.”

“Michael, we are the only two who are closest to her, we need to know all information that passes through. . .”

“No Damien. No. You are not suggesting that I tell you why Jonathan is here? Is that what this is? You don’t care what the scientists are looking for, its of no concern to you, its all about Jonathan. I’m not telling you anything, you need to trust Trinity!” Michael read me better than anyone else could.

“Michael, you are the only other person who knows what went on between Jonathan and Trinity! I need to know.”

“Damien. Trust Trinity.”

“Trust me on what Michael?” Trinity was standing in the doorway of my office looking unaffected by her run.

“Trinity, how was your run?” Michael asked a slight smile in his face.

“Delicious.” Trinity answered with no hint of humor in her voice. “Leave Michael.”

Michael got up bowed his head to Trinity and left the room, shutting the iron door tightly behind him. Trinity moved from the doorway to where Michael had been sitting, perching herself on top of the chair. She too glanced at the collage of our last 500 years together and sighed. It was the most normal I had seen her all night. The ruby and her neck purred a light gold flame from the center, something I never quite understood.

“Damien. You need to forget about what ever you think went on before you and I got together. Jonathan’s arrival in the castle is of no significance except for the fact that his head of state sent him here. Please, stop thinking that there is more to that then there is. Jonathan left almost 900 years ago, and time changes people, changed me. I love you Damien, you are my Protection and that is all that matters.”

I stood up from my chair, and walked in front of where she was perched. She stretched her long legs down to meet me. Her hand caressed my face as she leaned in. Where our lips met, something sparked and soon our limbs were tangled up and it was getting harder and harder to remember why I was supposed to be angry with her. There was a swift knock at the door, and Trinity quickly composed herself and walked to answer it.

“Good Evening Christoff. How may I help you?” Trinity spoke to the butler with a small smile in her eyes.

“I came to tell Damien that dawn approaches and it is time that he go to ground.” I saw Trinity nod to Christoff and whisper something to him.

Christoff then walked back upstairs to where the morning staff would be arriving. Trinity came back to me, kissing me gently before she bid Good Day.

“It’s not fair that you can walk around in the day my dear, I loose so much time with you.” I whispered when she was nearly out the door.

“Damien, I was bred a freak. Every power, abnormality, everything I have was created so that I could rule. What else do you expect? I love you. I will see you at dusk.” She spoke to me as she paused at the doorway, her hand on the doorjamb, her back to me, and I tear in her eye.